Monday, October 17, 2011

o u t o f b o d y


Last year, just about this time, I had this wonderful feeling of satiation from the tip of my hat to the toes of my Eastlands. We were exploring something so beautiful and quiet. A place that was foreign, but familiar in that I had always wanted to be there. I had always wanted to have the sensation that I had arrived at the exact, perfect spot where I would experience such a true impression of happiness.

I found myself trying to make all my dreams come true through the squint of my eyelids. I imagined that time would stand still for us so that we could live a whole, wide life in the perfect space reserved for such things in my mind and heart. And we wouldn't have any obligations, and pressing dates or times. No one would ever know we were absent. It felt almost real, like I could reach out and take it as mine and just paste it over all of the mistakes we had ever made, all of the days that were too short. I took deep breaths. Stretched and posed among the trees. But no matter how purely alive I felt, and how thoroughly delighted I was to exist in this space, I knew that I couldn't really stay...

Today I am writing emails left and right, furiously sliding my finger up and down the touch screen on my smart phone. I have consumed a good deal of candy corn, eaten yogurt, went for a run. I will surely watch television later on, try to get to bed at a reasonable hour. I will pet my cats. ... But today/tonight, I am thinking of that fullness that nearly kidnapped my soul. I am sending out waves of yearning.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

One Old Summer Ago Or So

One hot, hot summer day spent lounging on trampled grasses with my then boyfriend, now spouse, Bri Bri... Some band was playing off in the near distance, could have been someone I should have cared to listen to, someone like Sonic Youth maybe, but no no - the heat, the dirt, the sun absorbing into and burning my skin. I thought to turn my camera onto a crowd of on-lookers, taking cover in the shaded port-a-potty corral, but then thought better of it when I spotted a couple making out and rolling around on the toilet tissue littered ground near these towering blue stinky demons, so I instead took solace in myself, in my mesh kicks, and picked a blade of grass here, a blade there... Oh summer.

going to try it

...thought i would give it a go.
...maybe just ramble on and then...